We need more than just “relaxation” to build a healthy nervous system.

A healthy nervous system is made up of two main things: resilience and flexibility.

Resilience is about doing hard things and realizing that yes, we’re capable.

Flexibility means that you’re able to easily go from different emotional states without getting stuck in any extreme.

Trauma can often make us feel like we’re not capable of handling stress or changes in our nervous system because we were once overloaded with shitty things we actually couldn’t handle… combined with the fact that we probably lacked the proper support we needed to recover from it.

So when we intentionally challenge our nervous system in a safe way by doing hard things AND make space for support + recovery, we’re essentially rewiring our nervous systems and saying hey, you can feel like this + not only can you handle it, but you have support now.

So how do we challenge our nervous system or push our boundaries in a safe way?

It could look like:

• trying a kickboxing class (exercise is a great way to do this)

• learning a new skill

• cold plunging/showering

• signing up for a poetry slam and sharing something

• going out to eat alone

• having absolutely no plans on a weekend

• taking a day trip somewhere new by yourself

• sitting in silence for 20 minutes

• starting a conversation with a stranger

Am I saying that sometimes we need to face our anxiety head on and just try shit? Or let ourselves feel anger? Yes, actually! Growth happens outside of our comfort zones (cliché, I know).

When you allow your body to experience stress and allow it to recover, it teaches us that a fast heartbeat, sweaty palms, or feeling really hot does not always mean danger. Sometimes it just means that you’re growing and living.

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‼️ HOT TAKE ‼️ we’ve become a little too risk adverse with an emphasis on feeling “safe” all the time. I think there’s a difference between something being ACTUALLY unsafe and something just being uncomfortable (& like, most of the time you probably are not actually unsafe, but that’s for another post, lol). Like sometimes you’re gonna feel anxious and it’s not gonna feel great and that’s OK!

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There’s something called the “Window of Tolerance.” It’s the space where we can handle stress without becoming overwhelmed, where we can function most effectively. Within this window, we can process information, manage emotions, and respond to stress. However, when we’re pushed outside this window, we can either become hyper-aroused (anxious, panicked, overwhelmed) or hypo-aroused (numb, disconnected, depressed).

Source: Jade Emery

Trauma or chronic stress can narrow our Window of Tolerance, making it harder for us to stay within that optimal zone. This means that even small stressors can push us into states of overwhelm or shutdown. Many people think that relaxation alone is the key to expanding this window and healing our nervous system, but that’s only part of it.

To expand our Window of Tolerance and strengthen our nervous system, we need more than just relaxation. While calming practices help us return to a state of regulation, they don’t necessarily teach us how to handle stress more effectively. That’s why building resilience within our nervous system involves gradually and safely exposing ourselves to manageable stressors—experiences that slightly push our boundaries but don’t overwhelm us.

It’s so unique what our systems might need more of. For some, sitting in silence with no plans all weekend might feel deeply uncomfortable. For others, socializing, might really suck. Let yourself feel it all, experience it all, live it all, heal it all. It’s alllllll (well, most of it) is good 🤍

How do you need to tend to your nervous system?